Flavoured Coffees

If you think taking a shot of vanilla or cinnamon in your coffee is sophisticated, think again. It’s pretty much the same thing as putting ketchup on steak. The practice began in the mid-70s when sky rocketing coffee prices forced low-quality beans onto the market-beans so unpalatable they had to be augmented with chocolate hazelnut and Irish cream. Nowadays, most purists believe that if you need flavourings in your coffee, you’re either drinking crappy coffee, or you’re a wimp.

Brain Joke

A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a glass of beer please.” The bar man looks at him and says “sorry, I can’t serve you.” “Why not?” Asks the brain. “You’re already out of your head.”

Money Joke

When a little boy desperately needed 100 dollars to buy a present, his mother suggested that he pray for it. So he wrote to God asking for the money. The Post Office intercepted the letter and forwarded it to the President, who was so touched by the request that he instructed his secretary to send the boy 5 dollars. On receiving the money, the boy wrote back: “Dear God. Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had sent it through the White House. Well as usual those thieving air heads deducted 95 dollars.”

I Like It Better Each Time

An English professor at Brown University was a notoriously tough grader. Few students in his class received anything higher than a D. But one bright kid laboured for weeks on a ten-page paper about Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure. When the professor returned the term papers, the student was thrilled to see that he had received a B minus. He took the paper back to his room and hung it on the wall over his bed.
The next year the student joined a fraternity and he brought his prize paper with him. One Saturday night he held an auction and sold the paper to the highest bidder.
The frat brother who submitted it got a B. The next semester, another member of the frat bought the paper, turned it in and got a B plus. The semester after that, the scenario was repeated and this time the owner got an A
Beneath the last grade the professor wrote this comment: “I’ve read this paper four times now, and I like it better each time. P.S.: I’ve notified the Dean-all four of you will be expelled.”

Bitter Sweet

While on the run from the law after robbing a bank, Jesse James and his gang spent a night at a rundown farm house. The widow who lived there shared what little food she had, then told Jesse she was going to lose the farm because a banker was coming out to collect $1,400 she didn’t have.
Jesse gave the woman the money. The next day, James and his men waited until the banker made the collection, then they robbed the banker and rode off into legend. The woman kept her farm.

Marshmallow Fluffs

Even though these chick-shaped marshmallow treats are probably the most terrible things a person could get in an Easter basket, they have been a holiday favourite since they were invented in 1953. These days there maker Just Born, Inc., turns them out all year in many different shapes. They even have bats for Halloween and hearts for Valentine’s Day. The plant in Pennsylvania produces these candies at the rate of 3800 per minute, or a billion per year. Which for some reason makes for a huge demand for sugar coated packing peanuts.

Candyman

When Virginia Madsen starred in the horror movie Candyman, she was covered in bees for a crucial scene.
Production assistants glued Virginia’s clothes to her body so the bees couldn’t get inside. But some of the glue loosened, and the bees crawled down her dress.
“I had to disrobe so they could vacuum the bees off my body,” Madsen said. “The bees are furry, so when they crawl over your skin, it feels like your getting a facial.”